Christmas Photo booth

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Happy Birthday Jesus!!

Friday

Friday I walked through doors every mother dreads .  .  . Doors that read the dreary words:

“Blood Disorder & Cancer Patients”

I’d lie if I told you that I haven’t had this sick to my stomach – on the verge of tears at any moment feeling deep inside my stomach the past few weeks.  BUT I can’t even begin to describe the PEACE that surpasses all understanding.  The peace that I clung to in order to hold back the river of tears my eyes were filled with each time Truman’s temperature read 104+.  That same peace I gripped with all my might as I confidently walked through those doors.

The truth is, Truman is a very sick baby.  I recently posted about my returning to blogging & just as soon as I did my 18 month old was struck with fever AGAIN!  This would make his third illness in less than two months.  The last couple of months he has had fever more than not.  In fact, he has not made it longer than 10 days without a fever.  To see him so sick so often & have those mommy instincts the Lord equipped us with running full force is completely heart-breaking.  I have prayed for healing, for wisdom for the doctors, for understanding of the bigger picture.  And I know without a doubt it will all come in His TIME!  Yes, the Lord is giving me quite the lesson in TIME lately.  :)

Although the Hematologist referred us to a couple different specialist, he also gave us an answer to our prayers – He does NOT need to see Truman as a patient.  After reviewing his records & studying his blood work, he assured us that Truman does NOT have Leukemia or any blood disorders!! 

PRAISE GOD!!

Friday, I walked out of those doors with an overflowing amount of thanksgiving, but at the same time my heart just broke for the mothers I passed in the hall.  The mother’s that aren’t as fortune.  The mommy’s that are carrying their sweet innocent bald babies who are fighting for their life.  May God Bless them in their heart wrenching journey & may each of their stories bring glory to the Almighty Physician.  I couldn’t help but pray as I passed each one.  Feeling an enormous amount of guilt for the relief that overcame me as I all but ran out of those doors – knowing that they did not receive the same news when they first entered those doors.  Inside those doors is so sad.  Please pray for those families.

Please pray for Truman too.  He is doing well now.  Well, for the most part.  We are trying very hard to get him to gain weight (which is like pulling teeth) & I am happy to report – despite his continuous illnesses - he did manage to gain a pound in one week!!!!  He is officially 20 pounds.  Specifically pray for heeling.  It would be nice for God to grant the doctors the wisdom to figure out what is going on with him, but more importantly I just don’t want to see my baby hurt anymore.  I know God is giving Truman his own little story so I’m willing to trust more in Him than my own understanding.  I pray we travel this path in a way that will glorify Him – wherever that path may lead.  He is the same today as He was Friday and I wrest assured that He will be the same tomorrow!

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. — Philippians 4:6 NRSV

Elfcapades

My Outlaws must be on probation with Santa,

because he sent one of his elves “Tinker”  to spy on them!

When “Tinker” first arrived he went all through the house gathering our favorite Christmas books

& even brought us a new one.

Just wait until you see what he does next!!

Weekly Menu

With Truman being so sick & weight gain being a major goal for him I decided to regain a little control in the meal planning department.  This was super easy to make! 
My inspiration came from HERE.   I modified their layout to fit our needs using a little digi scrappin’.  I used an old picture frame (I actually threw away & big daddy dug out of the trash) & 2 sheets of scrapbook paper.  It was that easy!  I just use a dry-erase marker to plan the weeks meals out & I’m done.  I use the bottom for our weekly scripture or notes.

Sweet 16

Our oldest

is turning 16 . . .

I had the pleasure spending an entire afternoon doing a Sweet 16 Photoshoot with her

She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL (inside & out)!!!

Oh how time flies. 

It seems like yesterday this sweet girl was a 6 year old full of attitude running around a soccer field.

Now I look at her & see an amazing young woman.

 

Tiya,

I want you to know how loved you are.  Your dad & I are so very proud of woman you are becoming.  Your smile is contagious & your laughter warms my heart.  You are such a fun free spirited young lady.  No matter where you are there is no doubt you know how to have a good time!  You add so much to our lives & I am so thankful for the time we have with you.  The Lord has blessed you with so many talents – it is a joy to see you using them for His glory.  I know He has great plans for you.  We have spent 16 sweet years watching you grow & loving you as a child.  Now you are no longer a little girl & it is a true pleasure to see the beautiful young lady that you are.  You are a fantastic big sister & a wonderful daughter.  We love you.  A LOT!!  Happy Birthday SWEET girl!!!

I’m Back!

But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD;
         I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand;
         Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
         And from those who persecute me.

-Psalms 31:14-15

. . . And in Joyce Myers’ words, “I don’t know what God’s gonna do, but I’m going to be couragous enough to find out.”   I’ve decided to put my big girl panties on & keep on truckin’.  It is what it is & I’m dealing with it one day at a time.  There is no doubt that wherever we are going – He is with us!  And I can’t begin to tell you how evident His presence has been the past few weeks.  God is good.  NO MATTER WHAT! 

I’m super crazy with Christmas sneaking up on me in just a couple of weeks!  I have a small confession:  I’m kinda a scrooge.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas.  I just HATE the whole tree thing & decorating.  I haven’t always been this way though.  I’ve sorta developed a love hate relationship with our Christmas tree.  Yeah, I HATE to put it up, but I LOVE to take it down!  Plus, I’m not much of a decorator.  All my friends are pulling out their Christmas decor, spending weeks deckin’ their halls & I have none.  None.  I enjoy visiting all their beautiful homes, drooling over their beautiful wreaths & fabulous decorations, but I just don’t have my own.

Decorating may not be my thang, but shopping sure is!!  This Christmas we decided to go very light on the spending since we took the kids to Disney World this summer.  The plan was to just get each kid 3 things like baby Jesus received from the wise men, but I sorta fell off the wagon.  Not too bad though.  I decided a Toy Story theme would be perfect for Tucker & Trevor.  I had so much fun shopping for them & I’m still debating on biting the bullet & getting them the costumes.  Tyler didn’t ask for much – he was super hard to shop for.  He is at that age where he isn’t really into toys that much.  He asked for guns, bullets, & fishing lures.  Such a boy! 

My favorite gifts to give are books!  And this year Tickle Monster is my absolute fav!!!

Tickle Monster VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

So what are some of your favorite finds?

Survival Plan

Two weeks ago my mom called & asked how my day was going . . .

OVERWHELMED.  Is all I could say.  I was totally completely 100% OVERWHELMED.

I sat in our amazing schoolroom going through all the motions, but inside I was – you guessed it,

OVERWHELMED!

This week it hit me.  Our daughter has moved away.  We seldom hear from her.  And have not seen her, hugged, or kissed her in over a month.  For the past year I have had a sick baby every two to three weeks.  I have had more sleepless nights than restful.  My heart has been shattered by loss & sickness.  It just kills me to see my baby hurt & feel so helpless.  Recently his illnesses have came back with a vengeance & I am just overwhelmed by the possibilities. 

All this on top of “real” life & the daily responsibilities that come along with being a mommy to many & a wife, plus homeschooling.  (Right now, 2 of 4 kids are screaming – just to give you the full effect) 

At first I thought it was me.  I am freakin’ CrAzY!  I have got to get a grip.  What is wrong with me?  I blamed myself – I’m just not managing my time, I’m not doing it good enough, I yell when I shouldn’t, I’m being selfish, I’m failing!

Yes, I know – they make meds for times like these.  Don’t think I haven’t considered it.  Truthfully, there is a bottle full of “chill pills” with my name on them, but I don’t think I’m there (yet). 

Along time ago, I had a teacher say to me – when you feel the lowest, when you have fallen more times than you can count you take the 2 hands God gave you & you pick yourself up!

So, this week I’m picking myself up (with a lot of help from fabulous friends & family & an Almighty God – because when I can’t – HE CAN!)  I am officially in mode:  Survival Plan!

I have been working really hard at keeping the house up, staying on top of my “duties” so that if Truman get’s sick again things are “together”.  I spent the last 2 days counting calories, making spreadsheets, & planning meals.  Last night we had a come to Jesus meeting with the boys.  Their fear & overload of free time has shown in their behavior.  They are OUT OF CONTROL.  Today I am evaluating where we are in school with the boys – what goals have we reached, what really needs to get caught up, & what can wait.  Then I will be contemplating a plan for when Truman is sick or when I’m gone to the doctor with him.  Luckily I have a huge collection of audio books & my iPod is full of scripture songs, memory work, etc. We actually accomplish quite a bit in the car.

I have thought a lot about my blog & even prayed about it.  I’ve considered how it sucks a part of my time away & how vulnerable it makes me publicly.  I’ve pondered why I blog – I mean really WHY.  But like I said a few weeks ago – I just feel like God is doing something BIG in our family.  I’m not sure what it is, but when you see the hand of God in your life it makes you want to scream from the mountain tops & share with others how good He is.  So that is what I’m going to do.  Only I’m not much of a climber so I’ll scribble words on a computer screen with hopes that my cyber friends will continue to encourage me (I’m selfish like that) & by chance you will catch a small glimpse of how faithful God is even when things seem out of control & you are OVERWHELMED.

Truman

 

Truman has been sick for a very long time.  It began last January when I rushed him to the ER with 106 fever.  Since then it has been a ridiculous pattern every 2-3 weeks.  In my last post I shared that I saw a storm acomin’ – it is more like a tsunami!  Truman’s fever ended with a hospitalization.  But through it all I have to ask,

Isn't God awesome?!

The Lord’s presence in our family has been ever so evident. It was truly a miracle that Truman was able to be admitted to the hospital.  Last Monday I sat in my truck with a very sick baby who had a 102+ fever, feeling like no one would help him get better.  I was teetering between a screaming lunatic & crying uncontrollably.  I was desperate & calling out loud to God.  Right at that exact moment God used a special woman (she is a very private person & I would never betray her trust, but take my word at knowing – helping me, cost her emotionally & was by far one of the nicest most “outta her way” things anyone has ever done for me).  All I can say is the Lord put the two of us together for so many reasons, many still unknown to me, but without doubt He used her to help my baby & I am forever grateful.  Once we were finally in the ER the nurse came in & asked me if I was a Christian & if I would be offended if she prayed over Truman.  There was no doubt the Lord was with us!  Throughout our time at the the hospital God answered my prayers immediately as I cried out loud when Truman’s veins were collapsing.  Then there was the phenomenal team of doctors that formed to help get answers & keep Truman well.  And the blessing of all our family & friends that rallied together & prayed for us! I am so thankful for the networking fb provided for Truman.

As for Truman ... His fever FINALLY broke after 10 very long, vicious days. PRAISE God!!!  Our hospital stay was full of meeting with new doctors/specialists & exploring possible causes that would explain him constantly being sick. His bloodwork has raised a few red flags but nothing has been determined at this point. Any time a child has consistent illnesses, unexplainable fevers & aren't thriving nutritionally cancer is a consideration; however, It doesn't seem that the doctors are leaning in that direction. His specialists are immunologist - one specializing in peds & another in infectious disease. It still hasn't been determined if he needs to see a hematologist to explore a blood disease.   Wednesday the decision was made for Truman to be discharged from the hospital. His current illness was treated & he began feeling much better.

Now we are on the path to discovery :) Prior to being discharged he had more bloodwork drawn for an immune work up & we will follow up with the Children's Immunology Center. These lab results could take up to 3-4 weeks. It is looking like he has an immune deficiency or a combination of immune issues. It is possible there is an underlying cause as well, but nothing has been confirmed at this point. As I mentioned, some of the potential illnesses are very serious diseases. He is not completely out of the woods, but some of the testing for these involves some risk. So for now we are checking all the easy most obvious possibilities first. His doctors will continue to watch his lab work for signs pointing in another direction. If he has a more serious illness it will make itself known on the lab work - making the necessary tests clearly needed.

We will be following up with a new pediatrician this week & the immunologist should see him in Jan. I also met with a nutritionist to form a plan & set some goals to get him to gain some weight. (he is not even on the chart for his age/weight) If he runs fever longer than 3 days again he'll visit the ped & have blood tests repeated.

Although there are a few unsettling considerations that are being tossed around, I have this sense of peace. I know my God is the same today as He was yesterday & He will be the same tomorrow!  No matter what we find out I trust the Lord.  My prayer right now is for thanksgiving. I'm so thankful for the validation we've received from his team of doctors.  I know no matter what we find God has great plans for my son. I rest assured that in His time He will make this mystery absolutely clear to Truman's doctors.  God is the ultimate physician!

As always, Thank you so much for your thoughtful prayers & sweet words of encouragement.