boys

I take great pride in mothering 4 boys.  However, I am convinced they are a breed of their own.  Without a doubt!   I started this post months ago after reading the Boyer Blog’s series on raising boys.  I found myself shaking my head at so many of their points that I wanted to add my thoughts.  Life happened, my notes got lost in my cyber draft posts, & then last week another mom (I don’t know her she is a “friend of a friend”) lit a fire under me – okay to completely honest, she infuriated me!!!  She made a rude comment on Facebook in response to my comment “Boys will Be Boys” on a picture of our mutual friend had shared.  *The picture was hilarious – her son had climbed out of his crib, over a dresser, into his brother’s crib, & onto the changing table – emptying drawers, & knocking items off the shelves & creating a huge mess.  It instantly brought me back to the days I had 2 little tot BOYS destroying my house.  As other moms commented,

“Well it is true ‘boys WILL be boys’.... They are rowdy, stubborn, messy and a BLAST. Just like ‘girls will be girls’... Sassy, emotional, drama filled and FUN.”

“’Boys will be boys’ doesn't excuse the behavior, it only explains it. Kind of like the saying ‘We're only human’.”

I have learned quite a bit after nearly 11 years of being a “boy mom” & I agree wholeheartedly with many of Rick & Marilyn Boyer’s advice.  Boys . . .

• they needed physical activities

– including, but not limited to wrestling & play-fighting.  In fact, one of our sons craved “rough play” & it was very obvious on days that he did not receive it in a constructive way.

I learned that just tickling him, playing around a bit helped to lighten his attitude and he was usually then ready to buckle down and get it done.  They just function better if you break up their time with exercise.  I always tried to channel that into breaking their own time record or goal rather than letting them compare themselves to their siblings.

The Young Stallions: Boys and Sibling Rivalry

Boys have more of a natural tendency to express themselves physically. They are designed to be protectors of the female sex and nature has given them both a sensitivity to the needs of girls and a disposition to fight when it seems in order. This easily gets out of hand in the immature days of boyhood and violence sometimes flares when it is entirely inappropriate.So remember that boys are growing into men and they must flex their muscles sometimes.  Who knows who started it?? No one will ever admit to that. Actually, it really doesn’t matter. They are both making the wrong choice.

• They need to be busy!

The Boyer’s share wonderful advice in several areas of this need:

• Work ethic

“Learning to be productive helpers builds within them a sense of being needed and the character of responsibility. We chose to train them to be responsible first of all in the atmosphere of their home. As they grew older, we would lead them in projects of service to others in the church and community, instead of focusing on artificial activities to please themselves.” 

• Character

“Little boys are messy, noisy, and yet they have a charm of their own.  As I look back on my time of raising boys and now have four adult aged sons, I see how God perfectly designed the character traits and personalities into each one to prepare them for the role he had planned for them to assume when they would become adults.”

• Manliness

Boys need to learn to appreciate each other's strengths without feeling inferior, and forbear each other's weaknesses to carry out God's plan for each. They combine forces to accomplish special projects they have in mind to explore.

Little Bear Wheeler offers great insight into parenting boys.  I’m not going to quote him word for word, but after listening to one of his seminars my fears of boy-isms were immediately tamed.  I realized that some of the character traits that concerned me the most about my boys – the rough & rowdiness were actually good qualities that the Lord would tame & mold as they grew.  I’m not saying I let my boys run a’muck, but I do let them be boys.  If I raise them to never fight – when will they learn to stand for what is right or protect their families (or country) someday.  If I teach them to be quiet & timid, when will they speak out for what they believe in?  Just as baby snakes are most venomous because they don’t know how to control their venom, little boys are learning to control the God-given qualities that some day will form them into men.  Obviously there is discreetion  & discipline involved in raising boys, but there are some things (especially in a house full of them) that are just a boy thing!  Finding a balance that works for your family, household, & characters of your children is important.  There are a lot of things I let my boys get away with that most mothers would FREAK out over.  But there are also a lot of responsibilities & rules that other mothers consider extremely strict.  I think the most important thing in raising children in general is their heart.  When questioning my boys behavior & contemplating discipline, I try to base my decision on the state of their heart.  Is it a heart issue?  Next, how bad is it going to hurt them or someone else?  Is it going to cost me money if you break it?

More babies . . .

Throughout my pregnancy, the number one question has been:

“So, now that you have ‘the girl’ your done, RIGHT?!”

And yes, this has been asked numerous times INFRONT of my boys!

First off, when Tim & I got married we immediately had a ready-made family with 3 children between us.  I was very clear that I wanted children together, but a “large family” was never discussed nor was a number limit set.  And there still isn’t a magical number we plan to “quit” at.  We have discussed being “done” – my pregnancies are not easy, usually require bed-rest, & are (for lack of better words) straining on our intimate relationship.  This last pregnancy has by far been the most emotional (since loosing Talon) & physically straining on my body.  After a pregnancy like this one, our initial thought is – NEVER again!  Tim swears he is getting a vasectomy.  But honestly, I trust the Lord to put it in our hearts when our “quiver is full.”  And I don’t think NOW (after such a difficult pregnancy & caught up in the emotions of post-partum) is the time to make that decision.  I want to enjoy the precious blessing of a new baby & not have to decide if this is “it” or not. 

As far as “The Girl”. . .  It is no secret that I am full-throttle in PINK bliss.  Naturally, after 5 BOYS-IN-A-ROW, I am extremely excited to bring a little pink princess (with a big fat bow) into our camo flooded home!  BUT, with that said I have NOT had all these boys – just for “The Girl”.  If that were the case, I would have adopted A LONG time ago!!  Besides, “The Girl” would not be “The Girl” without all these boys!  In fact, when Tim & I first decided to have a baby together I really wanted a boy.  His girls were absolutely beautiful & him & Taylor had an amazing bond (that at 19, I was totally intimidated by & did not want to add any “competition”).  I wanted a BOY!  Then I discovered I was having a boy & a week later we watched his little tiny heart stop beating.  I never prayed so hard for a boy in my life after loosing Talon.  I knew Tim loved Tyler, but in his immaturity & manliness – he wanted a son he didn’t have to share with another man.  I so badly wanted to give that to him & feared that having a girl now would only bring resentment out in him.  Then Tucker came.  An answered prayer!  Tim’s mini-me!!  When he was just a year old I became pregnant again.  We didn’t have a lot of room in the house or money – another boy would have been soooo much easier!  And sure enough the Lord blessed us with Trevor.  It honestly wasn’t until the next pregnancy that I even entertained the desire to have a girl, but with all the problems we were having with Taylor I felt another boy would be better.  And sure enough Truman arrives! 

I take great pride in mothering these boys & great offense in people suggesting I didn’t want them.  If they only knew how hard I prayed for each of them.  If they only knew how special each one of them is in their own little way.  If they only knew that Tara’s specialness is NOT in her being a girl, but in her being HERE!  A girl after 5 boys is definitely a welcomed surprise, but the real miracle is that she survived when all the odds were against her!

I’m not sure at this point if we will have more babies or not.  I joke with Big Daddy about all the T’s – we need a number Ten!  Wouldn’t “Tensley” be a cute name for #10?  I see the “brotherhood” among the boys & would love for Tara to have a sister to grow up with.  I know how bad as a little girl that I wanted a baby to be a little mother too.  I can think of several reasons to have one or two more, but there are also some very valid reasons (my health mostly) to decide against having any more children.  Honestly, I have prayed over it & will continue to pray – the decision is the Lords & I believe in His time, He will give us peace over the matter either way.

Father–Sons Fishing Trip

All Tucker wanted for his birthday was to go camping & fishing! 

Never mind the high was 110* & his mama was 8 months pregnant! 

Don’t I look ready to POP?!!

So, we took the boy camping (in a tiny little “cabin”) & boy did they fish . . .

They not only limited out by 11am, they also caught this 25lb, 39in striper! 

And let me just tell you what these boys did.  The evening before their fishing trip, Tim & the oldest 2 boys went out on the kayaks (each in their own WITH life jackets).  After being gone for about 30-45+ minutes a wind gust of about 30mph unexpectedly blew in from out of nowhere.  Talk about a scared mama!  I tried not to, but I kinda freaked out.  I trust Big Daddy & I know he has fabulous survival skills & a wonderful dad, but I just could see him being able to stay with both the boys in the wind & I was so afraid Tucker wasn’t strong enough to control his kayak in the wind.  So, I did what crazy mama’s do & sent people looking for them!  After an hour of “freaking out” they were found, safe & sound – pulling their kayaks on land.  Although, Big Daddy assured me they weren’t lost, they sure were happy mama sent help!!

gator attack

We had a wild gator loose in our school{barn} …

He was caught eating a Legoman . . .

After we rescued the Legoman, we discovered a few more victims . . .

Preparing my son

I just finished reading the first part of Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle as part of the parent reading in our Against the Tide Curriculum.  I know I have already shared how excited I am about this curriculum & have mentioned how much I am enjoying this time with my boys, but I just have to tell you that it is such a God thing!  I stumbled on this by accident at the book fair, never having even heard of it, much less, intending on purchasing it.  And little did I know that my oldest really needed it.  I respect his privacy & some matters are NOT for mom’s blog, but because so many of us mama’s (especially to boys)  can be clueless to the signs of pre-puberty/puberty & can’t relate to the changes that occur as our children enter the “tween” year,  I want to share my thoughts on this topic without sharing too many personal details.

When I was sorting through these books at the book fair I overheard another mother arguing with the vendor (after previewing one of the books) about how if the topics in the books weren’t issues for her son why in the world would she need to address them with him.  Her argument bothered me, but I couldn’t exactly pinpoint why.  Nor was it really any of my ease-dropping business!

Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle is written to parents of 11+ year olds.  The first part of the book is for parents (mainly addressed to fathers, but as a mom to many boys I found it very informative & relieving to know some of the changes & questions my son is asking is typical & to prepare ME for future questions he may have).  The second portion of the book is for a parent to do with their son. 

Here are some pink highlights that you’d find in my copy:

“The male brain is more oriented to facts & logic than to emotions & intuitions.” pg 22

Isn’t that the truth!  This is part of my concern with my husband addressing our tween son – he only hits the facts & logic.  I want him to dive into the emotions & my intuitions. 

“Dad has to be close enough to his son to be able to call the ‘heart of the man’ out of the boy.”  pg 31

This brings tears to my eyes, but is so true & yet so hard to watch sometimes.  As my oldest boy exits boyhood & enters the next step into becoming a man, my heart breaks.  I blinked & my baby was a boy, I blinked again & he is a young man.  Sometimes it is so hard for me as the mama to watch as my husband calls ‘the heart of the man’ out in them.  Yet, I am so thankful they have a father that is close enough & cares enough to do so.  Necessary.  Not always easy.

“We’re often giving our kids the good things but not the best things – a biblical vision for manhood, a biblical vision of treating women with honor, & a challenging vision to give their lives a purpose that is something greater than themselves.”  pg 33

It is so easy to get caught up in things.  Even homeschooling things.  I often loose sight of the best things & need to refocus on what is really “the best” for them.  It is so important to me that they learn to live beyond themselves.

“…serial dating could bring a lot of pain as you open your emotions freely to people who are not the least bit committed to you in the long run.”  pg 68

“When you let your emotions out freely in situations where there is no real commitment, you can be crushed.”  pg 69

As my son watches his friends “going out with” girls, I had to address this with him as well.  This is so simple & honestly put.

“A Christian teen should look different from the average non-Christian teens.  Too often our adolescent Christians are indistinguishable from their non-Christian peers, watching the same movies, listening to the same music, catching the same shows on television – & even having the same attitudes about premarital sex.”  pg 81

“God doesn’t use terms like common & uncommon, & He doesn’t measure character in relation to the world.”  pg 81

These last 2 quotes are so so true.  Sometimes as parents we worry about our children fitting in, or others liking them (even homeschoolers), but I can’t tell you how proud I am to have a son that other’s compliment for being “different.”  He isn’t perfect, but his light definitely shines!  I have to warn you though, having a child that is “different” is no easy task – for them or you.  The more your child works for God’s glory the more apt they are to be spiritually attacked. 

My son really is a good boy.  He amazes me every day & his love for the Lord is astounding.  As he leaves boyhood & becomes more of a young man I find myself a little lost at times.  What is normal?  What is okay?  I was totally caught off guard by the sneaky changes of time –> puberty.  He is not so much “interested” in girls as he is noticing them now.  This can be an uncomfortable change for some young men & this book helped prepare me for future questions he may have, or questions he may already have but isn’t brave enough to ask.  The topics in this book vary & regardless, you are still the parent & get to choose when & how or even if you will address them with your son, but I think it is very important to acknowledge that there is a possibility of the the unspoken.  Your son may be going through changes & might not know how to discuss them with you.  He may be curious about things (even girls & sex), but I know for certain if you don’t talk to him about it or teach him to stand for something he will fall for anything.  The talks don’t have to be all at once, but I am learning the importance of keeping the doors of communication open & being prepared to prepare him.  I found this book an excellent resource for that. 

My Brave Lil’ Mustangs

Tucker has had a loose tooth for months, that just would NOT come out.  It even had a little help a few weeks ago, when the cattle gate swung & hit him dead in the mouth.  He wiggled & wiggled & it just would not give enough to be pulled.  Lucky for Tucker, my uncle is a dentist & when he heard Tucker had a loose tooth he graciously volunteered to pull it.  My little Tucker boy was sooo excited!  No tears, no hesitation . . .

Just a toothless boy that couldn’t be happier!  I sure am gonna miss that little gap b/t his 2 front teeth.

Our last night in TN was spent in the ER . . .

The boys were having a pillow fight & suddenly I heard Trevor screaming a deep hurt cry.  You know, the cry that make you jump & run QUICK!  As a mom of 4 boys, I don’t typically react to cries with much haste, but I knew something was wrong.  As I headed downstairs I met the other kids who let me know “Trevor was hurt”.  Usually, my kids give me some kind of forewarning to prepare me for the kind of injury I’m about to face.  When I reached the bottom of the stairs I realized I had not received near enough warning to prepare me to find Trevor laying on his back in a puddle of blood.  YIKES!!! 

. . . 5 Stitches later . . .

This boy is one tough hombre!  He definitely gave off a whaling cry initially, but his composer in the ER was amazing.  I was so proud of him.  A few tears & moaning was all there was as he bravely aloud the doctor to numb the wound in prep for stitches.  No screaming crying or freaking out – just one very brave little boy.  My Sweet boy!  I was so proud.  & he was just as brave when his daddy took them out later.

 

Trev is by far our toughest outlaw!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And just incase you are wondering, this is what the wall looked like:

                          

NEVER

 

There is NEVER

a dull moment

living in a house

full of boys . . .

I’m just sayin’!