Dealing with Lying.

Here are the scriptures & such that Taylor is working on:

“Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.”  - Ps. 34:13

“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.”  Prov. 12:22

“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.”  Prov. 12:19

“Do not steal.  Do not lie.  Do not deceive one another.”  Lev. 19:11

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32

“Do everything without complaining or arguing.  Then you will be blameless & innocent.  You will shine like stars among people who are crooked and corrupt.  You will be God’s children without any fault among the world.”  Phil. 2:14-15

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this.”  1 Thes. 5:18

“Every person should obey the government in power.  No government would exist if it hadn’t been established by God.  The government which exists have been put in place by God.”   Rom 13:1

I also had her:

Define:  Honesty, Lie, Deceit/Deception

Find Synonyms & Antonyms for honesty.

Copy & Memorize:

“Honesty is a commitment to truth in thought, word, and deed.  Telling the truth is the key to good character.  An honest person can be trusted; he is reliable and other people can count on her.  Honesty involves making a conscious decision (and daily choices) to base your life upon the truth and to live in truth.”

“The lie is the refuge of the coward when he is found out in a fault.”  - Charlotte Mason

“A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others.  When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices.  And it all comes from lying to others and yourself.”  -Fyodor Dostoevsky

After she memorized the first section (which I found HERE) she smiled & said, “I feel good.”  It was rewarding for her to have accomplished this.  I was proud of her memorization, but more proud out of the self-satisfaction she got out of it.  More than proud though, I am hopeful it is the Lord working on her heart.  Lying has been a demon our daughter has had to fight for a very long time & she will more than likely have to fight this “addiction” her entire life.  I’m not sure what her motive is or what exactly she is “getting out of it” but I will say it is very frustrating being the one holding her accountable & encouraging her when I know she is seeing her mom lie & deceive us (& in her eyes, getting away with it). I can only imagine as a young girl how confusing this must be for her.  As an adult it makes the mama bear in me come out.  Yes, her mother is fully aware of this & still continues down the same path.  I just pray she doesn’t drag Taylor down it with her.  I try to find comfort in know Who is directing her path . . . 

_ _ _ – _ _ _ _ _

 

Can you guess what the title spells?

Daddy’s girl is NOT the only child in our house that needs a little creative correcting.  I call them all outlaws remember?  The boys have had some issues with picking their clothes up off the floor A LOT lately.  You would think they were a bunch of silly girls considering how often they change clothes.  I was constantly tripping over dirty clothes or finding clean ones thrown out all over the place as a result of them hunting something in particular.  It was seriously on my everlasting nerve.  After yelling & threatening didn’t seem to work, I realized I needed a little creativity to solve the problem.  (*I’m still working on starting with creativity rather than resorting to it as a final attempt)

 

I wrote lines on our dry-erase board in the kitchen hang-man style & told the boys that every time I saw their clothes picked up I would add a letter to spell:

 

And as soon as they spelled it they would get their choice of ice-cream:  root-beer float, sunday, banana split, whatever!  Guess what?  It worked!!  Every day for 8 days they kept their clothes picked up without me even having to remind them.  They didn’t miss one day.  I’m hoping now they have formed the habit of picking their clothes up, but we may have to do it again one more time :)

*I had the same issue with Taylor (& still do sometimes), but I used Lisa Whelchel’s idea from her book – every time I walked into her room & found clothes on the floor I got to pick her outfit for the next day.  And it wasn’t always super fashionable.  :)  Other idea’s include making a reward chart & once they meet their goal buy them a new outfit (girls LOVE this one!!!) or get a trash bag & confiscate any clothes on the floor – making them either earn it back (ie. by not leaving clothes in the floor for a set amount of time) or by giving it away.  Let me tell you, had I of been able to do this it probably would have only taken once, but Taylor being the only girl, I just couldn’t part with some of her outfits & it would be my luck that she would leave one of my favorites in the floor.  

Creative Corrections

  About a year ago on some blog I came across a parenting book, Creative Correction, I jotted it down on a sticky note that stuck to my computer until a couple of weeks ago when I threw it out while cleaning.  Then low & behold, I came across it again while surfing Confessions of a Homeschooler’s blog.  After reading a few of her ideas, I decided to order it.  I HAVE NOT PUT IT DOWN SINCE!!  And I refer to it several times a day!  Some of my favorite suggestions she offers in her book are:

• Putting a blind-fold over your child for 30 minutes when they roll their eyes or give you that look. 
• Picking out your child’s outfit for them if they leave their clothes in the floor.
• Having a problem getting your child to turn their light off?  Take the light-bulb out.
• Are your boys as rowdy & loud as mine?  Have them go outside & run laps to get some of that energy out.

This book is by far, the BEST parenting book I have EVER read.  After beginning to read this book my mind set changed immediately.  It will seriously revolutionize the way you discipline & react to your kids.  I have found myself giggling like a school girl at times I would typically be screaming like a lunatic.  I am so excited to implement & test out her creative corrections.  The amazing most gratifying feature of this book is that it is a GODLY guide.  Not only do the punishments fit the crimes, but they are all inspired by scripture.  As a homeschool mom & full-time step-mom, it is easy to get discouraged with the task of correcting/disciplining my children ALL DAY LONG.  I love staying home with them.  I love them.  It is because I love them that I discipline them, but it can be totally exhausting & one of those days, can just suck the life out of me.  But after reading this book, I’ve been quite creative in my punishments lately:

After shopping for Spring/Summer clothes for Daddy’s girl I decided to make a little bargain with her – every week she goes without leaving her clothes in the floor she gets to get a new outfit out of the bag.

Now that I am almost finished reading this book, I am searching high & low for more of Lisa Whelchel’s books.  Barnes & Noble offers a free ebook sample of her book, Taking Care of the ME in Mommy.  It is another one that you will not want to put down!  And I just received her homeschooling book in the mail – yes, she homeschools her three children!

So, do you have any creative corrections you’d like to share?  If so, leave a comment! 

Sticky Notes

Today, I’m hiding about 20 of these all over my house:

5 pink ones for Taylor

5 orange ones for Tyler

5 yellow ones for Tucker

5 green ones for Trevor

 

These aren’t really for my kids, they are for me!

I have been really really trying to be more of an encouraging mom than a critical mom.  I am working hard at developing a strong relationship with a couple of my “challenging” children & strengthening my relationship with my “not-so challenging” kids.  It is a lot of work to focus on one child that really needs you & is having a difficult time, without abandoning the reality that they ALL need you.  Building & repairing one relationship, while maintaining & strengthening others is a true work out!

When we began counseling with Taylor several months ago her counselor gave me a little homework.  She handed me a printout from Dr. Ray Levy for “Explosive & Defiant Children & Adolescents:  A New Approach for Creating Change.  She also suggested that I read this book:

This book has been wonderful for me! (more reviews on it later)  One of the suggested strategies is to hide sticky notes all over the house (or classroom for school teachers) to remind you to use acknowledgements.  You are to use a 10 to 1 ratio.  For every 1 negative comment or interaction there needs to be 10 positive acknowledgements.  This sounds easy, but it really isn’t.  Especially when that 1 negative is a HUGE negative & you are super upset & the last thing you want to do is acknowledge something good in that child that just rolled their eyes at you, ripped your heart out, & then stomped on it repeatedly!  Difficult – YES!  Necessary – ABSOLUTELY!!  What a difference this has made.  On the flip side of it – it has also made me put my foot in my mouth more often.  I find myself asking, “Okay, if you open your big fat mouth, you are going to have to back it up with 10 positives!!”  I especially hold back if it is late in the day.  Try finding 10 positives or even 5 when it is 8pm & bed time is at 8:30pm!!

Anyway, the stickies . . .  Put sticky notes with smiley faces all over your house.  When you see them go find the child (mine are color coded for multiple children) & comment on their behavior.  The most important part is commenting & getting out immediately – Hit & Run!!  Catch them doing something positive & use a positive tone when acknowledging.  Exit asap, before a negative acknowledgement is necessary!  They are tricky little ones they are!  It is important not to praise the child, “you are being a good boy.”  Rather, acknowledge the behavior, “Wow!  I love the way you are playing quietly.”  or “I am so proud of how hard you have worked on this . . .”  or just acknowledge that you noticed.  I have learned that there is a big difference between praising my kids & acknowledging them.  Dr. Levy compares the two in his book,

“Praise:  A comment on the child’s desired/appropriate behavior that also includes a value judgment or feeling from the commentator.

Acknowledgement:  A description of the child’s desired/appropriate behavior.  Must be specific and without value or feeling statements.  Give as a hit-and-run (say quickly & exit the scene or be quiet).”

I have learned the importance of my kids knowing that I notice the good things that they do & not just the things that they don’t do (Ex. making their beds).  Negative comments don’t even necessarily have to be a put down – any type of correction to a child, especially a naturally defiant child, is considered negative to them. 

This whole system sounds so easy & you may think you are already feeding your child’s emotional tank plenty, but I challenge you to take inventory this week.  What is your positive to negative ratio?  What amazing things did your children do this week that were worth acknowledging?

Desk Deputy

Here is a little note I made for my outlaws when I notice their desk is clean.

I saw one of my readers (sorry I'm not linking - I can't find you now) did this with the "room fairy".
I think I will be adding the "Room Ranger."
-- "Yippee-Ki-YAY! Your room is so clean - Here is a prize for you today!"

Since it is western & all should I leave a "cow turd" (as Big Daddy would say) if their room is a mess? LOL

Learning the Ropes

I REALLY like the If-Then Chart from Doorposts, but you know me - I have to bling things up a bit . . .

Something new I'm trying this year is my WOE cards. This is a friendly warning to my Outlaws that they are trotting down the wrong path & if they don't stop I'm going to have to pull the reigns in. *These are laminated as well, so if I'd like I can write a little note on the back. I did this to take the emotion out of it. I will just simply leave a little WOE card in their pocket.
Big Daddy's schedule is super nice because he only has to work 2 days in a row (plus every other Fri, Sat, Sun); however, when he is gone at work he is gone ALL day - at least 14 hours. WOW! Tell me about it. One of the things I hate to do is bombard him with the days issues that he needs to address with our Outlaws as he is walking in the door. So, I decided to make a "Gotta Tell Dad" slip. Check it out:

There it is - my plan for discipline: Learnin' the Ropes Chart, W.O.E cards, & Gotta Tell Dad slips. Plus remember the "Hang your hat" poster. I'd love to hear what creative ways you are using to handle discipline while homeschooling.

The General Store

I finally worked all the kinks out of our "General Store." It is now set-up & in full use. I am so proud to say that my children are taking full advantage of it! Whew-hoo!!

Here is how it works . . .

I bought Melissa & Dough play money = "Buckaroo Bucks" & "Cowboy Coins"

My Outlaws may purchase a Privilege from this list:


Or an item from a clear plastic bin that is under the General Store wall.

How do they earn money you ask??? Chores & good behavior.
*I will post more on our chores tomorrow.

We also have "Coupons" & "Bonuses."

• Coupons are a discount for good grades & following the rules.


• Bonuses are for good/desired behavior.

Check 'em out:

On the back we write (w/ dry-erase) the discount or reward. We either give them directly to one of the Outlaws when we catch them with praise worthy behavior or we put it in their bin as a surprise.

Each Outlaw has a wallet that they are responsible for keeping their money in & not loosing it - just like real life!

This system has really made praising our kids so much easier. Sometimes we get so caught up in training them that we forget to praise them as well. It is also perfect for teaching life lessons with money. I can not tell you how eager it has made my kids to do their chores & even extra! We are ALL lovin' it!!

Chores

Chores have been a little issue around here for one of our children, so to ensure encourage our children to get their chores done I made each of them a checklist & a crafty little clipboard to clip them to, along with a pencil to check their chores off with & have daddy or me (if he isn't home) sign them off *BEFORE* their play time may begin for the day.




NEVER BEFORE, UNTIL NOW . . . has Big Daddy agreed to reward our kids for doing their chores. Not that our kids don't get rewards - just not specifically for chores. We have one child that works diligently & rarely has to be reminded, in fact this child enjoys chores. On the other hand, we have another child that only likes doing their chores when it is convenient & when they see fit. This child needs the pat on the back. So, Big Daddy has agreed to reward our kids for a job well done, a job done without having to be reminded. If at an unannounced time (1-2 weeks depending on the reward) Big Daddy will review their checklists & if they have done their chores, without a reminder, & correctly we will reward them with a surprise. It could be a soda (which is a reward in our house), a movie, a trip to the water park, a piece of gum . . . you just never know!

The Golden Rule

I just love the family rules Jennefer at Smooth Stones Academy created using the Golden Rule. I decided to add/change a few things, do my scrappy thing & create a fun layout to post around our house & add to my Motherhood Management Binder. I am planning on using each section of this as copy & memory work over the next several weeks. Once my outlaws have memorized this they will have a HUGE surprise!


E-mail me if you would like your own copy!

Attitude

Once upon a time there was a young girl that seldom ever had an attitude with her mother. The young girl really was a sweet girl - nothing was ever her fault, but she had crazy "mean mom" that would make her right this poem:

for no reason at all. The young girl was even grounded until she wrote the poem. Her punishment varied - to the "mean mom's" mood. Sometimes she would have to write it at least 25x!!
The young girl survived the horrible terrible punishments of copywork from her "mean mom". In fact, she grew up to be a "mean mom" herself. Now, she has a young girl of her own, that is very sweet & seldom ever has an attitude with her. Nothing is ever her daughter's fault, but every once in a while she feels like being a "mean mom" & makes her daughter copy the attitude poem for no reason at all!

The Blessing Chart Awards

I love Doorposts charts. We used them diligently for a long time & saw such benefits from them. Over time we slowly quit using them & we are now more than ready to dust the charts off & put them into action. Sadly the "If-Then" chart is easier to use, but we are really going to try to put the Blessing chart to use just as much. If you haven't seen these charts I would really encourage you to check them out at Doorposts site. On the back of the charts are great ideas & suggestions. I love the reward ideas on the back of the Blessing chart. One of the ideas is to give your kids awards or certificates. I made these sheets on my digital scrapbooking program. I am planning on slipping them in a $1 slip-in magnet, putting the child's picture who is recieving the award on the blank spot on the layout & posting it on our frig. The blank ones will remain on the frig as a reminder to me that this is an option. I will be posting more of our "blessing" ideas soon.



*E-mail me if you would like a copy for your house :)

Our School Store

For rewarding, encouraging, bribing, etc. our children we have used a school store. I have a clear storage bin (27 Qt.) that has all kinds of stuff in it. Any time we go to the store & they (even the babies) want something(within my budget that week) rather than argue with them, I just buy it. BUT it goes in the school store & they have to earn it! Or if I see something I want them to have or that they would like I will get it & sneak it into the school store -- surprise!

Here is how it works:

I have a dry-erase board in my office that I write their names on the bottom (Taylor & Tyler - I'm going to do *something different w/ Trevor & Tucker) & how many "points" they have. A point is 25 cents. They get points from good behavior, review questions, mom is in a good mood ... you get the idea. NOTE: Points can be taken away! On Friday's they can buy items out of the school store. I also have a list of things they can buy. Example: Glass of sweet tea, stay up 30 minutes passed bed time, free day of chores, movie at bed time. I have set prices for everything. They can also cash out their points; however, they can only have a max of $10 in their wallets (unless we are going on a field trip or I make an exception).

This system has taught my kids to be accountable for their actions, manage their money, save, bargain (yes, they work me), add/subtract money, understand the value of money & realize how much some of the things they want cost. They love the school store!

*Instead of using money for the little guys I created a "POINTS" section on their charts & I am just going to use numbers for points (as they are learning their numbers).

Some of the things in our school store are: bubbles, t-shirts, pencils (oh yes, I make them buy these b/c they are constantly loosing them & those digital pencils are expensive!), water balloons, water guns, gift certificates, toys, crafts, & candy.

Oh, this is a family affair! Grandma's & Paw Paw's can add items to the school store too!

Have a good day!

Tiff

Preschool Poster

This poster was soooo much fun to make. I used the digital scrapbooking program I have & Happy Trails Kit from Shabby Princess. Then I matted a poster board with 5 12x12 sheets of brown cardstock, inked up the edges of everything & tada . . .

Preschool Poster in the making

I have been busy . . . I got this idea to make a poster from Brightly Beaming Resources. I just had to "bling" it up a bit! I created these layouts & am going to put them on a poster board & have it laminated so I can write & put stickers on it. Here is my work in-progress:

I'm going to print, cut & paste today. Hopefully I can get it laminated & in use soon! Lovin' it!

Tiff

Our "Talk"

So after the last week we had, you can imagine my thought process when Taylor tells me a boy "took her to the moon," at church camp! Yes, my heart dropped -- to the floor & I think it stopped beating for a minute. I quickly regrouped & asked "WHAT??? What does 'going to the moon' mean these days?!?" Apparently it was just a walk on a hill where the moon was close by. WHEW!

However innocent this may have been it made Tim & I realize we needed to have a "talk" with Taylor. We love the seminars Little Bear Wheeler has given on courtship & we agree 100% with courting instead of dating. Now it was time to explain this philosophy to Taylor at a 10 year old level.

So, we start by asking Taylor why she isn't allowed to have a boyfriend. She says, "because daddy said so!" (GREAT ANSWER - lol) Then we asked her what "having a boyfriend" meant to her. She told us she didn't know. This is where the explanation began . . . "Taylor, this is one HUGE reason you aren't allowed, b/c you are too young to understand & have those kinds of responsibilities. I want you to read the Bible to us & tell us what God says about this." She began reading Genesis 2:15 "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." This verse established with her that Adam was a MAN (not a boy), he was able to work & take care of his responsibilities. Then we read Genesis 2:20b- ". . . But for Adam no suitable helper was found . . . (vs. 24) For this reason man will leave his father & mother & be united to his wife, & they will become one flesh." These next verses we used to show Taylor what God's plan for woman is in his design. God intends for us to be helpers to our husbands. This does not happen until the man is ready & able to leave his parents & take you as his helper. It is pointless to have a "BOYfriend" b/c the whole worldly designed "going out, break up" only opens our hearts, gives apart of it away, then leaves a small whole that cannot be replaced. We don't want Taylor (at 10 especially) to become accustom to giving her heart away & joining the routine of breaking up not being a big deal. We feel that this habit only makes a divorce in marriage seem acceptable. Tim explained to Taylor that when she is older & a young man wants to date her, he is expected to first ask her daddy. Then daddy spends some time with the young man & decides if he thinks he is a young man that is acceptable for his daughter. At that point Tim will ask Taylor, "Billy Bob has asked me if it would be alright for him to get to know you better, would you like to get to know him better?" This is the time he will spend time with our family. We explained to Taylor that when she is old enough & this time comes it is not just her decision to make -- she is bringing this young man into our family. Just like when I got married I became part of daddy's family -- that is why I call grandma "mom" sometimes. We asked her how she would like it if we brought another child into our house without seeking her opinion & she just really didn't like this child . . . well, it is the same consideration when you decide to bring a young man into our family. It is important that we all like him. Taylor was so sweet & really understood & accepted the points we were trying to make to her. We did tell her that this time in her life is for her to be friends with boys (and girls obviously) & to be looking for qualities that she likes in them (not necessarily the boy). She was absolutely adorable when we told her this. She said, "Oh, I already know . . . I want someone that is good with my children, is funny, makes me laugh, treats me good, loves God, & has a family devotion with his family every night! How does that sound?" She made us so proud.

I know in today's time this sounds old fashioned, but it is not our desire to raise worldly children, our goal is to raise GODLY children.

What is a mom to do?

I have been asked a lot lately about how Tim & I discipline our children, "they are just so good," -- Okay, now I have to laugh! I have great kids, but they are "KIDS!" My 2 little guys are WiLd!!! I'm sure when I am complemented it is the 2 big kids they are referring to.

Then there is the question, "do homeschool kids fight (more or less)? What do you do?" First of all, just b/c we homeschool doesn't make our children perfect angels. It is work, a lot of work! Being a mom is hard, being a stay at home mom is difficult, being a mom 24/7 & homeschooling, makes us all want to pull our hair out every now & then. I think as "homeschoolers" we are constantly under a looking glass. Many of us (even amongst ourselves) want everyone to think "it's great, no problems, perfect . . ." Well, I am going to tell you for me, I LOVE homeschooling, I am privileged to be able to stay home with my children & teach them; however, we have bad days! We have bad weeks. We even have bad months. It is very hard for me to be the mom, cook, house keeper, teacher, referee, & the list goes on, but it is all worth it & so much more!

Discipline. I hesitate to blog on this b/c there are so many varying opinions & it is so easy to be misunderstood. Let me begin by saying, this is MY opinion & what works for MY family. I don't think there is one right way to discipline, every family, child, parent is different.


For our family, we use the Doorposts Charts. These were great for Tim & I b/c we were raised totally different & brought different opinions on discipline to our marriage. The charts helped us agree & made our kids aware of the consequence for each unwanted behavior. We rarely even need to use them with the big kids anymore. Tucker & Trevor are a different matter. I imagine I will be using the charts with them until they are 18! The charts were very helpful & showed us how to teach character from a biblical standpoint while disciplining our kids.

Do my kids bicker? Yes, all of them age 13-2 years old bicker at some point. Sometimes more than often, others far & few b/t. Arguing is on the chart, but we use that more for arguing with us rather than each other. When they argue with each other or are mean I usually have them say 3-5-10 nice things to each other NICELY. If one has been the instigator or is just plain mean I have the trouble-maker do something nice for the "victim."

Do I yell? The charts have helped, but yes, I yell on occasion. I hate to admit that, it is something I am working on. We are just a loud family -- there are so many of us sometimes the only way to be heard is to yell. We do have a "no yelling in mommy's house" rule. We all sometimes (mommy included) need to be reminded of this & take a time out.

I think a big part of raising children is training them to make good habits for themselves. I am not big on giving warnings, I call it like it is (a lie is a lie, disobeying is disobeying -- no excuses), there are consequences. I believe true obedience is immediately, completely & joyfully. I have habits to create & habits to break just like my kids do. I try to remember that we all have demons to battle & recognize which ones my kids are truly working on.

I love my kids very much. I love my kids enough to discipline them. I love my kids enough to show them mercy. I love my kids enough to help them while they are young to form good habits. I love my kids enough to encourage them to be peacemakers. I don't want my children to become wolves, nor do I want them to be sheep -- I want them to be Shepperd's of the Lord.

I LOVE the family rules at Smooth Stones Academy Blog.

Some books/studies I recommend are:

Habit Revisted By Mary E. Woodis (Queen Homeschool)
Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson (Wholehearted Ministry)
Professionalizing Motherhood by Savage
Honor Your Father & Mother by Pam Forster (Doorposts)
For This is Right by Pam Forster (Doorposts)
Choosing Obedience by Train-Up A Child Publishing

Someday I may blog on issues with raising girls & boys but for now here are some books I am or have read on these topics:

Boys:

Bringing up Boys by Dobson
Your Boy by Vicki Courtney
Talks to Boys by E. Hunter
God's Plan for Growing Up Series by Keith & Sandi Queen (Queen homeschool)

Girls:

God's Plan for Growing Up Series by Keith & Sandi Queen (Queen homeschool)
Your Girl by Vicki Courtney
Beautiful Girlhood by Karen Andreola
Raising Maidens of Virtue by McDonald (Cision Forum)
Daughters of Destiny by Noelle Wheeler Goforth (Mantle Ministries)

The distributors I have listed all have wonderful resources for families. I encourage you to pray & seek the direction God has for your family.

Tiff