Some would think that after being blessed with 3 more boys after loosing Talon, it would fill that void in my heart & secretly maybe I had hoped for the same during those very dark days . . . but it doesn't. It makes the coming days enjoyable & gives me purpose, but the hole in my heart from loosing Talon is still just as deep today as it was 6 years ago.
Sitting here in my office, preparing for school, nursing my lil' buckaroo . . . it just hit me like a ton of bricks. 6 years ago tomorrow, my life was forever changed. I said hello & goodbye to my son all in moments. Wow! That was by far, the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
I know God only works for the good & I am truly at piece with not keeping Talon here on earth, but "whole" - not so much. I haven't been hole since September 11, 2003. I truly believe that in everything bad - there is good somewhere among it. I have seen the good, I have LOVED the good in it, but oh have I also experience the pain in it as well.
I really don't have any deep spiritual thoughts or words of comfort. I'm kinda just wallowing in the sorrow tonight.
I know I'm not the only mommy to loose a baby or child. It is heartbreaking when you open up to realize how many other families have experienced this tremendous loss.
When Talon died, I searched high & low for a necklace. At first it was a baby ring, but I never could find one. I didn't find it until years later . . . a heart necklace with little footprints on it. Somehow, the chain on my necklace fell off & got lost (I'm sure it was a lasso for the Mustangs & is hid in their "treasure"). Recently, I saw this necklace from Lisa Leonard Designs & decided to order it in memory of Talon.
So, if you have lost a baby, I encourage you to help me keep their memory alive - even at times like this when it is hard, because no matter what - we are NEVER the same after . . .
