*Please bare with me as I try to share my heart with you & tell the great things God is doing to show me He is in control. My heartaches & my mind is racing, but I feel lead to share with you how good God is even when things seem out of control. He has used several people & circumstances to speak to me & I am slowly seeing how it all comes together. I pray the Lord allows me share what is on my heart in away that you may understand & that will bring Him glory.
About a week ago my sister called & asked me if I would help her with one of her school projects. I excitedly agreed & asked what we’d be working on.
“TIME”
She explained that she had to create a canvas on TIME. We began to discuss possible themes, but little did I know this was not some crafty project for me to play with. This was the Lord whispering in my heart & I just didn’t know it at that time.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago. Taylor & I were having a disagreement (nothing extraordinary from our usual issues with her). Later that night she was on the phone with her mom telling her how horrible I was & I asked her, “Why am I the only one you stay angry with? Why am I the only one that isn't allowed to make any mistakes?" She looked at me straight in the face, her heart hardened right before my eyes . . . I'm not sure what exactly she said because it hurt so bad my heart literally fell on the ground & a piece of me died right there. She told me how deep inside her was this hate for me that she just couldn't get rid of . . . How I made her sick. I could just see it. She was gone. My time with her was done. The tone of her voice & the look on her face spoke louder than the words that came out of her mouth. I felt like there was a spiritual battle going on in my kitchen & right at that very moment the devil had a hold of her heart. I ran outside crying. Fell to my knees & cried out to God. I poured my heart out to Him. When I finally returned to the house I told Tim & Taylor both that I was done & that it was time for her to call her mom. Tim cried, but stood right behind me. He told her he didn't know what else I could do or what either of us could do differently, but he wasn't going to allow her to tear our home apart like this any longer. We both told her we loved her & would be praying for her, but it was time.
At first I didn’t understand all of this at.all. I couldn’t have even explained what happened for a few days. Sunday at church our preacher spoke on 1 John. He told the story of Pharaoh & the plagues. As I listened to him tell how Pharaoh repeatedly refused to obey God & each time his heart was hardened I gained my first glimpse of what the Lord was doing in our home. I had words to put with what had happened the night before.
Then as I read through each of the comments on my last post, I found such comfort in the comment one of you left:
You have been doing what the Bible instructs parents to do - raise your daughter to know the LORD and to obey His Word. She needs to know that she is a sinner - like we all are - and that she needs a Savior. Then she needs to know that once you make that commitment to Christ, there are some rules to follow - not that we will be perfect at following them - but that we are to strive for and love perfect obedience to our Savior. And for children that obedience to the Savior includes obedience to our parents as our authority covering. I'm thankful that God loves your little girl so much more than you ever could, and I know that He will be working in her life even harder. This is His plan though our understanding is not. And His plans are always perfect and will be brought to completion.
I will pray for you all for peace and acceptance of His plan, that the other side of the tapestry will be revealed in all its glory when the time is right.
THANK YOU!! It was almost as if you looked deep inside my heart & spoke the words I could not find. I hope you know dear friend that the Lord used you to speak to me. Many blessings!
The past few days have been very sad. I was struggling with feeling like I failed. Tim was consumed with worry & fear. Then a friend called me . . .
Back up several months ago. A close friend of mine had asked me if I would help her pick out some curriculum for her to do a state study. She didn’t feel comfortable with what she was using because it wasn’t from a Christian perspective. What I picked out solved that problem & appeared to be within her financial means. A couple weeks pasted & I asked her if she had ordered her curriculum. Disappointedly she explained something had come up & she hadn’t been able. Well, I had been blessed with several photoshoots & was pondering what to do with 10% of my earnings. I was planning on tithing it, but God told me to order curriculum for her instead. The total was almost exact to the 10%. Her curriculum arrived & she was exasperated with the blessing. It was the Lord is all I told her.
. . . She called a couple days ago & explained that they had just begun their study & she had to read me the introduction which began with a brief reference to Ecclesiastes 3:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.. . . these times are ordained by God Himself & are not under our control. These are His times. It is evident in Lydia’s *salvation that even the time of our mourning over sin & turning to Christ is one of His times in our lives.
He has ordained all the times in our lives. There is no such thing as chance, luck, or accident in the Christian journey. Our times of planting, sewing, laughter, sorrow, mourning, and financial prosperity or loss are under His control. If we look to Him during these times we eventually truly see that He has made everything beautiful in His time.
All things work together for good to them that love God to them who are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28
Because we know that God is providentially controlling the events of our lives & we know that his hand of providence is guided by his heart of love we are able to do as we are instructed in Psalms 41:10 “Be Still & Know that I am God”.
*This was taken from the introduction of the Texas State History curriculum from State History From a Christian Perspective.
I have to tell you the peace that came over me almost instantly as she read this to me. God was no longer whispering, He was clearly speaking loud & clear. You see, these scriptures were the 2 scriptures that I clinged to when Tim’s mom died. The first passage I picked out & added to the video I made for her funeral:
The other scripture was the basis for the message preached at her funeral. This woman was not just my mother-in-law, she was my best friend. She was a major part of all of our lives. I love her soooo much & miss her tremendously. When my friend shared these scriptures with me it was much needed confirmation that God was at work in our family.
To some it may seem like we have thrown our daughter to the wolves. To others it may appear that we have given up on her. A few assume we don’t want her anymore.
None of this is in our hearts. We love our daughter very much. Living with her mother has been something she has wanted for a very long time now. So it is not like we have washed our hands of her & sent her away. We have not given up on her. We have given her to the Lord. Just as the father of the prodigal son had to let his son go, we must let our daughter go.
*Over the last few days I have struggled with what exactly to pray for. The only thing I truly know without a doubt is to pray for her salvation. It honestly is not important where she lives or who she lives with here on earth. The most important thing is that she learns to live for a much bigger purpose. We are not meant to be comfortable on this earth or to become of this world. Our focus should be on our heavenly home with our Father in heaven. So wherever she is. Whatever happens, my prayer is that it all works to a greater good & serves as a part of His plan.
“In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” Ephesians 1:11
The Lord has used so many people to open my eyes, to allow me to see His presence, & feel Him at doing what He does best – Being God. In complete control. I’m not certain of very much & there is still a lot I don’t understand, but I promise you, He is at work in our daughter’s life & I feel something big is going to happen. Tonight as I read other posts from blogs in my reader I heard the Lord speaking one more time. McMama posted this quote from Francis Chan at the end of one of her posts today,
“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace…God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through”
There was no doubt in my mind that God brought Taylor to our house when He did 5 years ago. Her coming to live with us was an answered prayer, a total God Thing. And now her leaving has left us in a situation where our child will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through. We are unafraid to trust God completely with our child. I refuse to question or doubt my faithful loving Father. I trust that He is in control & that He will work it all out - in His time.
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