God’s Will

I have been very cautious in blogging about “real life” lately.  This is really not my personality at all.  If you ask anyone that knows me I’m pretty open, too open the majority of the time.  I’ve hesitate to share a lot of our issues at home because we are living back inside that dark world of custody battles where both sides are just digging for ammunition to hit the other sides credibility.  Which often when there is little to find things suddenly are turned around & misconstrued.  I’ve lived in this world before & I absolutely HATE it.  One month after Tim & I were married we filed for custody of Daddy’s Girl.  We truly believed our home was a healthy safe place & that the judge would clearly see that our home was the best place for her.  (*Despite my personal feelings & opinions, I will refrain from sharing the details of why we were/are against Daddy’s Girl living with her mother)  Sadly, I didn’t do a lot of praying.  I didn’t see the need to be honest.  We were going to win hands down.  I mean, I prayed, but I didn’t wholeheartedly give it to God.  I’m ashamed to admit it, but I put more faith in the facts & horrible truths than I did God Almighty.  Needless to say, the outcome was not quite what I expected . . . we won, we met in the middle, then we lost.  We lost her & shortly after she moved an hour away from us.  This was the darkest time of my life, as we were also dealing with my ex in court.  I hit rock bottom when I buried my baby.  Throughout all of this my Father was teaching me the true meaning of trust.  Not just asking, not even just believing, but wholehearted TRUST.  The kind of trust where you truly give it to Him.  What a hard lesson to learn WITH YOUR KIDS being the curriculum. 

It was a very slow process for me & I’m so grateful for God’s grace, mercy & most of all patience with me.  He is so faithful isn’t He?  Yes, He really is! 

Over the course of a few years we began to grow increasingly concerned about Daddy’s Girl.  (*Again, sorry for the lack of details)  This time I didn’t begin my case with documentation.  Instead, I threw myself into prayer.  Deep, heartfelt, very specific, God seeking PRAYER!  I asked God for guidance.  First, I asked Him to make it clear that our home was where He wanted Taylor.  I prayed for God’s will, not mine.  “Your will be done”  is so easy to say, but much more difficult to live.  Next, I begged God if it was His will for Taylor to live with us that He make that happen as easily as possible.  Lastly, with teeth gritted, but total trust I asked for strength if this was a battle He wanted us to fight.  I wanted the armor of God on.  I learned the hard way that His armor offered much more protection than the worldly armor I previously wore into battle. 

Within weeks He answered all these requests (I love it when He works quickly!).  Taylor’s mother called & asked us if Taylor could come live with us.  The details were worked out & at the end of the summer she was legally living with us. 

Over 3 years later I find myself seeking that same trust I had then.  Remembering the pain & darkness of enduring a custody battle, trying desperately not to fear what may come, &  trusting once again in God.  Knowing He has a plan for us all & truly wanting my heart to be in the right place is not always easy, but definitely a must.  It is so easy to get sucked into the bitterness of the fight & loose sight of what you are standing for.  As we journey down this road once again, I PRAY . . .

I pray mostly for Taylor . . .

That He holds her in His arms & gives her a peace & understanding for His plan.  That she does not seek anyone more than God.  I pray that she finds happiness in the Lord & not her living arrangements.  That she understands her value is not in the kind of parents she has, but in the kind God she serves.

I pray for my other children . . .

That they are shielded from the by-stander role in this situation.  I ask for strength to still be the mom they need even when my heart is breaking or my sole is raging.

I pray for my husband . . .

That God may guide him & open his eyes so that he may make the best decisions for his entire family.

I pray for myself . . .

That I may give God the glory & be the bigger person – not a total bitch, but not a complete push-over either.  I pray that I can be a good wife, mom, & Christian no matter what.

I pray for Taylor’s mom too . . .

I pray that God opens her eyes so that she may be the mom that Taylor needs.  I pray God opens her heart to do what is best for Taylor.  I told her a long time ago that no matter how good a mom I am to Taylor or how happy she is with us, some day she will look to her & have questions. 

I pray for the lawyers & judge . . .

I am so thankful that we have a God fearing, kind, hard working, very good attorney fighting this battle with us.  He truly cares about Taylor & her safety much more than money.

I pray that God gives the judge a clear view of the situation & he makes the best ruling in regards to Taylor’s safety & spiritual walk.

I pray for Taylor’s counselor . . .

That God uses her as a vessel to equip Taylor with the coping skills she so desperately needs as she is unfortunately in the middle.  I thank God for her counselor as she equips us to be better parents & urges us to keep Taylor out of it. 

I pray for God’s will!