I’ve given my blog a lot prayerful thought lately. As I shared in my previous post, I’ve grown to resent my blog & have become overly cautious of what I post about. Not that I necessarily want to air my dirty laundry with the blogosphere, but just that fact that I couldn’t if I wanted to was irritating. And the reality that if I did share the slightest personal not-so-perfect thoughts or going-on’s it could be used against me later. Ahhhh! I just felt like “WHAT IS MINE? When can the masquerade stop?” When blogging, I hate having to be cautious & I resent not being able to say, TODAY WAS A TERRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY! Because, when dealing with the court system a bad day can often be turned into much more. And in all honesty, a few people have been throwing quite a few stones from glass houses.
At this point I think I am at peace with my blog. I am walking by faith. No more withholding because I’m worried about how it may make me look in other peoples’ eyes. For it is not their eyes that really matter. Recently, Taylor’s mom & I were in an argument & to summarize this incident, I was told I could “hide behind my Bible but God sees the bad in my heart too!” Well, she couldn’t be more right. He does see my heart & I’m okay with that. As a Christian my goal is to be Christ-like, but as a sinner I know I will fall short of this. Am I a hypocrite because I say I’m a Christian & sit in a pew on Sunday mornings yet sin within hours after leaving? Certainly not. I’m not perfect & I am going to make mistakes. In fact, I think I’m entitled to every now & then. I carry my own crosses each day & no one knows what I am working on or what God is working on in me. Trust me, He is working on me! Because I believe in God & strive to be a Godly woman, set Godly standards & pass those standards on to my children someone seems to feel the need to point out & dig for any & every mistake I make. And it is extremely nerve-wracking!
I have been the responsible & reliable one. I’m the one that everything seems to fall on. For a long time I felt obligated & even privileged to do so. Recently, these people have attacked me personally with words that not only offended me, but have deeply hurt my children as well. I’m sure there are other mom’s/step mom’s out there that feel all alone, well you aren’t.
So, you see we are NOT the Brady Bunch & from now on, if at times I feel led to share tid-bits of this VERY-BLENDED family thang or even use my blog to vent a little – I’m going to. It’s my blog & I’ll share if I want to! If you don’t want to read my outlook on the situation, maybe you shouldn’t read MY blog!
We are back in school, working our way to finding just the right routine, & have a good time together. We have even gone on another field trip. Coming Soon!
