I just finished reading the first part of Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle as part of the parent reading in our Against the Tide Curriculum. I know I have already shared how excited I am about this curriculum & have mentioned how much I am enjoying this time with my boys, but I just have to tell you that it is such a God thing! I stumbled on this by accident at the book fair, never having even heard of it, much less, intending on purchasing it. And little did I know that my oldest really needed it. I respect his privacy & some matters are NOT for mom’s blog, but because so many of us mama’s (especially to boys) can be clueless to the signs of pre-puberty/puberty & can’t relate to the changes that occur as our children enter the “tween” year, I want to share my thoughts on this topic without sharing too many personal details.
When I was sorting through these books at the book fair I overheard another mother arguing with the vendor (after previewing one of the books) about how if the topics in the books weren’t issues for her son why in the world would she need to address them with him. Her argument bothered me, but I couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. Nor was it really any of my ease-dropping business!
Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle is written to parents of 11+ year olds. The first part of the book is for parents (mainly addressed to fathers, but as a mom to many boys I found it very informative & relieving to know some of the changes & questions my son is asking is typical & to prepare ME for future questions he may have). The second portion of the book is for a parent to do with their son.
Here are some pink highlights that you’d find in my copy:
“The male brain is more oriented to facts & logic than to emotions & intuitions.” pg 22
Isn’t that the truth! This is part of my concern with my husband addressing our tween son – he only hits the facts & logic. I want him to dive into the emotions & my intuitions.
“Dad has to be close enough to his son to be able to call the ‘heart of the man’ out of the boy.” pg 31
This brings tears to my eyes, but is so true & yet so hard to watch sometimes. As my oldest boy exits boyhood & enters the next step into becoming a man, my heart breaks. I blinked & my baby was a boy, I blinked again & he is a young man. Sometimes it is so hard for me as the mama to watch as my husband calls ‘the heart of the man’ out in them. Yet, I am so thankful they have a father that is close enough & cares enough to do so. Necessary. Not always easy.
“We’re often giving our kids the good things but not the best things – a biblical vision for manhood, a biblical vision of treating women with honor, & a challenging vision to give their lives a purpose that is something greater than themselves.” pg 33
It is so easy to get caught up in things. Even homeschooling things. I often loose sight of the best things & need to refocus on what is really “the best” for them. It is so important to me that they learn to live beyond themselves.
“…serial dating could bring a lot of pain as you open your emotions freely to people who are not the least bit committed to you in the long run.” pg 68
“When you let your emotions out freely in situations where there is no real commitment, you can be crushed.” pg 69
As my son watches his friends “going out with” girls, I had to address this with him as well. This is so simple & honestly put.
“A Christian teen should look different from the average non-Christian teens. Too often our adolescent Christians are indistinguishable from their non-Christian peers, watching the same movies, listening to the same music, catching the same shows on television – & even having the same attitudes about premarital sex.” pg 81
“God doesn’t use terms like common & uncommon, & He doesn’t measure character in relation to the world.” pg 81
These last 2 quotes are so so true. Sometimes as parents we worry about our children fitting in, or others liking them (even homeschoolers), but I can’t tell you how proud I am to have a son that other’s compliment for being “different.” He isn’t perfect, but his light definitely shines! I have to warn you though, having a child that is “different” is no easy task – for them or you. The more your child works for God’s glory the more apt they are to be spiritually attacked.
My son really is a good boy. He amazes me every day & his love for the Lord is astounding. As he leaves boyhood & becomes more of a young man I find myself a little lost at times. What is normal? What is okay? I was totally caught off guard by the sneaky changes of time –> puberty. He is not so much “interested” in girls as he is noticing them now. This can be an uncomfortable change for some young men & this book helped prepare me for future questions he may have, or questions he may already have but isn’t brave enough to ask. The topics in this book vary & regardless, you are still the parent & get to choose when & how or even if you will address them with your son, but I think it is very important to acknowledge that there is a possibility of the the unspoken. Your son may be going through changes & might not know how to discuss them with you. He may be curious about things (even girls & sex), but I know for certain if you don’t talk to him about it or teach him to stand for something he will fall for anything. The talks don’t have to be all at once, but I am learning the importance of keeping the doors of communication open & being prepared to prepare him. I found this book an excellent resource for that.
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