Sometimes I just wear myself out! I get so caught up in trying to make everyone else happy I become discouraged. I loose sight of WHO I should truly be looking for confirmation from. Sometimes I forget to make God the center of it all. Sometimes I forget that He chose ME! I take others opinions to heart & wear my emotions on my sleeve. Today was one of those days.
Tonight, I sit in a quiet room, trying to refocus on what GOD has called me to do for HIS purpose. I have been judged, compared to others, overlooked, unappreciated, refused, & taken-advantage of . . . But I try to remember that I have also been chosen! HE chose me to be their mom, HE brought her to MY house, HE gave them to ME, HE made me his wife, HE guided me to be their teacher, HE chose me as His daughter, HE chose me for His purpose, HE CHOSE ME!
I have 2 options – I can sit around & have a pity-party for myself or I can find strength & empowerment from my God. Without HIM I am so broken. Sometimes, I question God. Sometimes I even think maybe He made a mistake. Me? Really?!
I want so badly to let go & let God – to surrender & put my trust COMEPLETELY in HIM. I want give him all my anxiety. I want my worth to come from HIM, not other’s opinions of me. His plan is far greater than I can see & much better than my own plans or the plans others try to put upon me.
Sometimes I allow others opinions to cloud my understandings of the work God has called me to do. Other times my own self-doubts gets in the way. I feel ill-equiped to handle my circumstances & other times I feel like it is more than I can handle.
For the past 5 weeks I have been doing a women’s Bible study, ANOINTED TRANSFORMED REDEEMED – A Study of David, by P. Shirer, B. Moore, & K. Arthur (AMAZING, by the way!). This post is a compilation of my notes from the first week – I find it so fitting for my mood tonight. I am working on committing to please God & not others. I am constantly reminding myself that He purposefully put me in these situations with these circumstances with these children so that I will have to surrender & depend on HIM to accomplish these tasks.
Being a mom is so difficult & homeschooling adds a greater challenge to the daily tasks. As homeschoolers we often set ourselves on the frontlines & are open for misled judgments & scrutiny – sometimes it is hard to stand firm in such opposition. As I begin to second guess my calling & doubt my capabilities, I refocus on my goals. Having the smartest children is not my ultimate goal of homeschooling, revealing Christ to my children is! I cannot successfully run my home trying to please everyone (inside & out). It is impossible! My children were entrusted to my husband & I. The most important thing is that they see God’s love in me & my obedience to my God.
Have you felt unworthy of the tasks that God has set before you? Have you allowed others to cause you to doubt your own capabilities? Do you feel discouraged? If so I encourage you to STAND FIRM IN THE LORD! He knows the end from the beginning. Pour your heart out to Him & remember God is in control! God doesn’t make mistakes! He chose you too!
“It is not that we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.” “2 Cor. 3:5
