There would be days like this …
As much as I try to be “real” on my blog & as transparent as possible, I also try not to whine or air my dirty laundry. And I also seldom post “same day” posts *ESPECIALLY when I have had days like this! But today I just want to scream & cry. It has just been one of those days.
Today was a horrible terrible no good very bad day.
I am totally exhausted & it isn’t even dark outside.
I think my oldest & youngest have paired up & are in cahoots to send me to the looney farm.
Taylor is back at her old games & Truman has learned a few new ones of his own (that involve screaming at window shatter pitches most of the day).
Being a mom is sooooo hard! I just want my mom!! (only she is a few states away)
Being a “step-mom” is even harder. The temptation of just quitting is quite alluring at this point.
I just concluded the last week of Lisa Whelchel’s Creative Corrections Bible study. Monday, I would have told you how great things were, how the storm had passed & we were finally sailing on smooth water & clear skies. Today = NOT SO MUCH!
Have I mentioned how exhausted I am? TOTALLY EXHAUSTED.
So here is the low-down:
Taylor is in her 4th week of public school. Since the very first week, I have continued to ask her about her grades & have repeatedly been told “90’s!! . . . doing GREAT!!” So, you would understand my shock when yesterday I was given a progress report with a 0 & 40 on it for quiz grades. Then to discover that the progress report was given the previous day & needed to be signed.
Taylor’s math teacher, “why isn’t your progress report signed Taylor?”
Taylor, “Oh she was too busy. I put it in her in-box, but she just didn’t take time to sign it – she really didn’t care.”
Nice. So, the quizzes need to be signed. Wait, there is only 1 here. Where is the other quiz?
Taylor, “My teacher didn’t give me that one.”
. . . After seeing her teacher at Bible Study last night we discover the quiz WAS given back to be signed. Taylor just took the liberty of signing it herself.
So, for some reason waiting a day made a huge difference to Taylor to show me. As a result, she lost the opportunity at a free 100.
What “creative correction” did we have you ask? Lots! She has pretty much lost everything! Yep, right down to me picking out her clothes.
The same old dance, just a different song.
I am so discouraged! I thought we were passed all of this.
I guess not. I cannot put into words the betrayal I feel. I’m really not mad about the grades. I am infuriated that I was lied to & that she lied to another adult & forged my signature.
She is 12. 12! Seriously?! If she is forging my signature on progress reports at 12, what is it going to be when she is 16? 18? & so on? I am so scared for her. More than anything fear is terrorizing my very sole. It is heartbreaking to have a child that continues to make the same bad choices over & over again, without any regards to right or wrong. Trust is a HUGE thing to me. It sucks not being able to trust one of your kids.
I’m really trying not to take it personal, but it is extremely hard. What am I doing wrong?
To add to matters, she shows very little remorse. She is more worried about herself & is having her own personal pitty-party because she is totally grounded – trying to make everyone feel sorry for. Again, it is all about “her”. I could go on & on about the silly games she is playing for pitty from anyone that will listen – telling people how awful I am b/c she had to take a PB&J for lunch (that in her words is “starving her”), how terrible it is that I picked her clothes today & did not allow her to participate in the camo spirit day. Blah Blah Blah – still all about her. She is more sorry for being caught than she is for hurting us.
Please pray for me. I know I am entitled to be angry & have every right to have my feelings hurt, but I HATE this feeling inside of me. It just sucks the life out of me which is not fair to the rest of our family at all. Please pray for Taylor as well. I know she loves the Lord, but she is making crazy choices!
PS. Pray for Truman too. He is entering “baby boot camp” asap! :)
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