Throughout my pregnancy, the number one question has been:
“So, now that you have ‘the girl’ your done, RIGHT?!”
And yes, this has been asked numerous times INFRONT of my boys!
First off, when Tim & I got married we immediately had a ready-made family with 3 children between us. I was very clear that I wanted children together, but a “large family” was never discussed nor was a number limit set. And there still isn’t a magical number we plan to “quit” at. We have discussed being “done” – my pregnancies are not easy, usually require bed-rest, & are (for lack of better words) straining on our intimate relationship. This last pregnancy has by far been the most emotional (since loosing Talon) & physically straining on my body. After a pregnancy like this one, our initial thought is – NEVER again! Tim swears he is getting a vasectomy. But honestly, I trust the Lord to put it in our hearts when our “quiver is full.” And I don’t think NOW (after such a difficult pregnancy & caught up in the emotions of post-partum) is the time to make that decision. I want to enjoy the precious blessing of a new baby & not have to decide if this is “it” or not.
As far as “The Girl”. . . It is no secret that I am full-throttle in PINK bliss. Naturally, after 5 BOYS-IN-A-ROW, I am extremely excited to bring a little pink princess (with a big fat bow) into our camo flooded home! BUT, with that said I have NOT had all these boys – just for “The Girl”. If that were the case, I would have adopted A LONG time ago!! Besides, “The Girl” would not be “The Girl” without all these boys! In fact, when Tim & I first decided to have a baby together I really wanted a boy. His girls were absolutely beautiful & him & Taylor had an amazing bond (that at 19, I was totally intimidated by & did not want to add any “competition”). I wanted a BOY! Then I discovered I was having a boy & a week later we watched his little tiny heart stop beating. I never prayed so hard for a boy in my life after loosing Talon. I knew Tim loved Tyler, but in his immaturity & manliness – he wanted a son he didn’t have to share with another man. I so badly wanted to give that to him & feared that having a girl now would only bring resentment out in him. Then Tucker came. An answered prayer! Tim’s mini-me!! When he was just a year old I became pregnant again. We didn’t have a lot of room in the house or money – another boy would have been soooo much easier! And sure enough the Lord blessed us with Trevor. It honestly wasn’t until the next pregnancy that I even entertained the desire to have a girl, but with all the problems we were having with Taylor I felt another boy would be better. And sure enough Truman arrives!
I take great pride in mothering these boys & great offense in people suggesting I didn’t want them. If they only knew how hard I prayed for each of them. If they only knew how special each one of them is in their own little way. If they only knew that Tara’s specialness is NOT in her being a girl, but in her being HERE! A girl after 5 boys is definitely a welcomed surprise, but the real miracle is that she survived when all the odds were against her!
I’m not sure at this point if we will have more babies or not. I joke with Big Daddy about all the T’s – we need a number Ten! Wouldn’t “Tensley” be a cute name for #10? I see the “brotherhood” among the boys & would love for Tara to have a sister to grow up with. I know how bad as a little girl that I wanted a baby to be a little mother too. I can think of several reasons to have one or two more, but there are also some very valid reasons (my health mostly) to decide against having any more children. Honestly, I have prayed over it & will continue to pray – the decision is the Lords & I believe in His time, He will give us peace over the matter either way.
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